POETRY: A Vase that is Lacking…

A Vase that is Lacking…

I see the swirling black smoke consuming my vision,

While my soul and heart undergo a painful transition,

All walls now destroyed, vulnerable for the taking,

Happiness so close but a heart is left aching.

 

A cat chasing a mouse, who cannot yet love,

A soft hand protected by a lathery glove,

Potential stayed storming in a secret compartment,

Two eyes locked under a powerful enchantment.

 

Tables turning with chairs creaking and cracking,

The bird of love screeches, a vase that is lacking,

Flowers left with no nutrients to thrive and survive,

Two souls could have been one with both hearts alive.

 

A gleaming line was tied on one side then the other,

Until one side breaks to protect and take cover,

The tied side quivers, shakes, extends outwards,

But time has twisted these knights into cowards.

 

By Jody Dontje

~ I focused greatly on my use of imagery and metaphors to drive the narrative of this poem. Thoughts?

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19 thoughts on “POETRY: A Vase that is Lacking…

  1. Akhiz says:

    “But time has twisted these knights into cowards”….. loved this line, and i really liked the way you have used the metaphors, enjoyed reading it…. thanks for sharing this :)

    • Jody Dontje says:

      Hi Akhiz,

      A sincere thank-you! It is encouraging to have readers take the time to analyse and comment, appreciate it! Looking forward to following each others progress as writers. Keep in touch.

      Sincerely Jody

  2. mohit tiwari says:

    i envy u all for writting such lovely pieces..

  3. barn7777 says:

    Very illustrative and powerful–inspiring to read!

  4. nosajq says:

    Hi, I admire your poems..

    I have not read everything though, but from the lines i have browsed. they were powerful.

    You are great!

    • nosajq says:

      And I forgot to say thank you for liking my post… I felt proud because someone like you who write so well liked my post…hahaha..thanks..

      • Jody Dontje says:

        Hi Nosajq,

        I don’t expect you to read every one of my poems thoroughly, but I do appreciate the time you do take out of your day to support my writing! I am always willing to support other passionate beings. It was my pleasure.

        Keep in touch,
        Sincerely Jody

      • nosajq says:

        Hello,

        But your lines are enticing! it is hard to resist but to read.

        Wanna learn a lot from you. :)

        Take care,
        Jason

      • Jody Dontje says:

        Hi again Jason,

        Thank-you once again! Your words of support are greatly received! Glad to have keen readers such as yourself.

        Sincerely Jody

      • nosajq says:

        Hi Jody!

        You’re welcome.. :)

        Are u a filipino? right? are u based in australia?

        Gettin’ to know u! ;)

        jason

  5. seanbidd says:

    What are your thoughts on redrafting the poem within the moment’s narrative, but without any first person (personal) pronouns? How do they feel when you read the two versions aloud?

  6. vivid imagery. beautiful poetry. thank you!

  7. Akhiz says:

    Hey,
    This is to notify you that you’ve been nominated for the One Lovely Blog Award.

    http://akhizmunawar.wordpress.com/2014/11/06/one-lovely-blog-award/

    Take Care :)

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